The Problem with How We Normally Function
Most people live like this:
The “backpack”
- Everything you’ve ever experienced gets automatically stored
- All those experiences constantly color how you see the world
- Your Ten Commandments from childhood, fears from the past, things people said – it all plays along
- Even when you don’t want it to, all those voices are in your head
The result
- You think you’re choosing, but you’re actually reacting from conditioning
- “I want this” = usually a conditioned preference
- You’re not free – you’re being driven by your past
- Constant thoughts, even when you’re doing nothing
What Happened to Me
The Process (8 years ago)
12 months of insights, starting with: Everything I am is shaped by cause and effect
- Not my fault that I’m so conditioned
- It couldn’t have been otherwise, given everything I experienced
- This realization created space to let go
Then 3 weeks in which the system reorganized itself:
- The link between “thinking” and “stored experiences” fell away
- The backpack remained available, but no longer plays automatically
- Intuition took over as the primary guide
Permanent Result (7+ years)
- No more automatic thought stream
- Mental silence when nothing is happening
- When there’s interaction: insights and solutions appear by themselves
- I consciously determine what I store and what I let go
- Everything that’s stored no longer has emotional charge
My Definition of Free Will
Free will is NOT:
- Being able to choose what you want (because your “wanting” is already conditioned)
- Being completely uninfluenced (that would be randomness)
- Rationally weighing options (that’s still thinking from the past)
Free will IS:
1. Autonomy over what you store
- I decide what becomes a lasting memory
- Traumas don’t automatically store
- Fears don’t build up
- I use my memory, it doesn’t use me
2. Freedom from automatic conditioning
- No voices in my head saying “this is how it should be”
- No automatic reactions based on the past
- Each moment is fresh, without filter
- The past doesn’t interfere
3. Functioning from the moment
- No preferences driving me
- No fears limiting me
- Situations show what’s needed
- Solutions emerge by themselves
4. Self-determination of how I function
- Not free in every small choice
- But free in how my entire system works
- Intuition is the boss, thinking is the tool
- Consciousness is primary, memories are secondary
The Paradox
How I became free:
- Accepting that everything is conditioned (determinism)
- No more resistance, no blame
- The identification with conditioning fell away
- What remained: the original state (like babies are)
So: By accepting that I was not free, I became free.
How It Feels
No action:
- Silence
- No thoughts
- No planning, worrying, daydreaming
- Just being
During interaction:
- Something asks for attention
- Insights come up
- Logic unfolds
- Solutions appear
- Then silence again
Example: Seeing a solution in everything. Not because I think, but because solutions simply appear when I’m confronted with a problem.
Why This Works
The backpack versus available storage:
Normal people: Backpack constantly hangs on you, colors everything, you can’t take it off.
For me: Storage is a cabinet I can take something from when needed. The rest of the time it just stays closed.
No “I want”:
- Wanting comes from conditioning (“I want this because it was nice before”)
- Without wanting = no drivenness
- No drivenness = free to respond to what is
- Pure responsiveness without agenda
The Most Important Insight
Free will is not something you “have” with every decision.
Free will is a state of functioning in which you’re not automatically driven by stored patterns.
It’s not about “can I choose this or that?” but about “am I free from automatic conditioning?”
And the latter is definitely possible – I live it daily.
This is my personal experience after 7 years of permanently functioning without an active Default Mode Network (the brain area that normally runs constantly and conditions you).
Beyond Belief 
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